forgive and that's it.

just this once, let my blogs switch roles. let me pour my emotions without holding back. there's the sting of not mattering enough to people you love. either they raise your hopes that they would come see your performance and then when that day comes, they tell you that they'll miss it, but only because you asked. they don't think it entails an apology or an explanation. or they give a noncommittant answer when you invite them because they really have no plans of going. for some reason, they equate turning you down with your pounding their head with a frisbee if they refuse to play. isn't that cute? i don't love them less. i just find it more and more difficult to trust them each time, knowing they didn't earn it. as for criticism, i can handle it. but not when it's affecting someone else in a negative way. i absorb the pain like a sponge. i may hurt but i don't hate...

i wanted to blog about the joy of being in the dcbc dance ministry so many times. but either found myself too exhausted after practice or too busy coping with my studies. i was going to write about the encouragement of being with people who were willing to offer their talent for the Lord that even if they didn't see themselves as the best dancers, they poured their time, spare or otherwise, into this ministry. we giggled a lot, true. but that was our way of dealing with the pressure of doing the impossible. try choreographing two or three songs while teaching or learning ballet, modern jazz, or even street dance moves in two weeks or less. even as a group, it was still difficult to do so. add to that mastery and synchronization. not to mention the other commitments like fellowship meetings that you miss out on and academic requirements that you juggle. it was the Lord who strengthened us through our struggles and spiritual battles. it was His love that cast away our fears. it was His grace that brought us the praises of men that we did not seek because all we wanted was to glorify Him.